10 howls I carry with me
Last year, for my birthday, I dug into the 10 most important lessons I collected across the years. It’s been an exciting exercise, as I tried to put on paper what stuck with me throughout time. Surprisingly enough, I found myself stating my very own set of values described in my own words. And that’s when I knew I have to review them often so I can nurture growth.
Here I am, doing it, after one year. It comes with a newer version of myself that ventured into the world once again, gaining more courage and perspective on what a truly beautiful and fulfilling life might be. Spoiler alert: there’s no 9-5 knowledge to be drawn from here!
And because “happiness is only real when shared”, as sketched with shaky hands in an abandoned bus by one of my favorite movie/book characters, I want to share these howls with you.
1. Live life freely
Without hesitation, this comes at the top of my list. I have enormous respect and admiration for the challengers of normal beliefs and pre-defined paths. And I found in freedom the best expression of myself. I have an entrepreneurial mindset, I can lead myself, and I believe my creativity finds a more fertile playground when the rules are made according to — and to make it even more relevant — this credo right here.
Now, don’t fall into the other extreme, as freedom DOES require self-imposed rules and that’s the tricky part. I didn’t master it yet, but hey, I’m only 27 28! Shockingly and surprisingly, yes! And I am at peace with it. That’s maybe because one of the core values I have at Howl of Freedom is youthfulness and adopting a beginner mindset. You can read more about it here.
Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma — which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of other’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.
— Steve Jobs
Pretty much my definition of freedom. Barranco, Lima, 2 days before the national lockdown in Peru (2020).
On the other hand, I believe this is the time to do all the crazy stuff. That’s why I packed my things and flew to Peru alone last year. I’ve spent 4 days in freedom and another 4 weeks in quarantine before returning to Europe with a rescue flight. Do I regret it? Not for a second. Flying to an island in the middle of the Indian Ocean on a one-way ticket, without knowing anybody? Done.
While I see the benefits of building safety through your 20s, I am positioning myself at the opposite of that spectrum. Risk is my bible since I don’t have much to lose. Sometimes I fuck up, most times I enjoy life to the fullest, and in both scenarios, I learn a lot. And when the time to settle will come, my experience will be drawing with it better decisions.
2. Studies don’t matter (that much)
If I could go back in time, I’d drop studies after high school. I would have made a list of jobs I liked to try out and knocked at doors offering to work for free. The possible gains that can result from such a thing would weigh more than any piece of paper that an academic institution could ever provide. I’m saying this after having sat in 3 universities across Europe.
There are however domains that do require a diploma, and the knowledge gained through the process is indispensable. That’s unfortunately not my case, and I don’t believe you need academic studies for anything having to deal with marketing, social media, photo & video production and editing, copywriting, web development and design, business development, and the likes (to mention just my areas of interest). What you need is studying and doing, hell a lot of hours of it actually, but doesn’t have to be in an institutionalized setting. Real life is a far better playground.
This is for sure a lesson I will try to instill in my children when the time will come.
3. Micro-management will get you far
The vehicle transporting you between your goals and achievement is discipline. Every day counts and the short-term lenses are not the ones to be worn here, because the image you see might appear rather blurry. And that’s why 92% of people give up on achieving their goals. No quick gain, steep loss of interest and motivation, followed by quitting. Ever found yourself in this situation? You might need to put this on your wall too. 👇
Stop waiting for the big thing. There’s no mystical destination you ought to arrive at. Today is all you have and if today doesn’t feel good, tomorrow neither will. Divide your goals into actionable tasks that can be done today, regardless of how insignificant they might appear. A sense of progress and well-being will accompany you in no time.
That is how I did it with this blog. Took me longer than expected (I truly believe I should have been doing this since I was 15 or so), but I’m doing it now and I’m rather excited for the future than sad for the past.
4. The no-frowning rule
I have learned to be self-aware of the natural reactions of my body towards discomfort or the unknown. For example, when I’m outside and it rains, I try not to frown against it. Instead, I let the cold raindrops play freely on my skin. It’s liberating. Try that next time a person or a situation makes you frown. Be aware of your body’s natural rejection mechanism and control it. Relax your face muscles, and sketch a smile in the corner of your lips. The smile might be shaky in the beginning and you may ask yourself “what the heck am I doing? I just don’t feel like smiling.” And you’ll be right, your natural state won’t let you smile, but if you try it long enough, it will start feeling more and more natural.
This is part of a series of micro-behaviors we perform noticeably all the time. I believe in energy, and I believe that what you attract is a reflection of you. If what you communicate doesn’t invite for interaction, if you’re not open enough to your surroundings, then the universe might feel like it’s forever postponing things from going your way.
5. You can still make lifetime friends
I was lost just a few years ago, and by that, I mean completely hopeless socially, as I was living a cultural shock. I never thought I could make new friends, I felt utterly lonely. Nobody could understand me, I thought, and that led slowly and steadily to depression.
Breaking my shell and challenging myself at my lowest brought me probably the most beautiful gift of all — new soul lifetime friends. I could have not expected it. It just happened. They are the people that contributed to who I am today, and now I am sure we have embarked together on a journey that will transcend through time and space.
6. Feed your soul
Find and feed your hygge. Keep close friends close. Call that person you miss. Talk about life until 3 a.m., even though the next day is a working day. After all, these are the things you’ll remember when you’ll get (a bit) older (than me).
Indulge yourself in the small pleasures of life. Sometimes, nothing can beat waking up early, opening the windows wide, and listening to “November Rain” by Guns and Roses while engaging with your senses. Coffee might be your best friend here. Isn’t life beautiful?
7. Learn to receive
One lesson I’ve exercised lately is accepting what comes to me without guilt or pressure that I have to give back or compensate immediately. I come from a culture where there is a custom to ask or to be asked hundreds of times until you accept a proposal or speak out regarding your needs: “are you sure you don’t want to come with us?”, “would you like one more slice of pizza?”, “is everything okay?”; now I came to the conclusion that if somebody offers me something he/she genuinely means it. And if that’s not the case, I’m in the wrong circle of people. Overthinking killed in a few simple steps [blowing gun smoke].
8. Make knowing yourself a top priority
Probably the best growth resource I came across in my journey are people that turned into mentors. In online — people speaking to a larger audience — as well as in real life — those I admire among my acquaintances and from whose work and behavior I can learn, but also professional guidance in peer-to-peer sessions.
Another 2 things you can do on your own are:
Take personality tests. I recommend the 16 personalities test. Take if with a pinch of salt, but let them give you an idea. Moreover, use apps like Co-Star or The Pattern. The amount of insight you’ll gain will blow your mind.
Draw a list of values. Then order them as a pyramid, with those that don’t let you sleep at night climbing higher and higher. Take what’s at the top and triple down on it. Don’t make a big deal out of what’s underneath. Let your peak values guide you through your decision-making process. Is that job/relationship/person encompassing these values? Will you get the chance to explore and develop these values if you do this or that? If the answer is “yes”, you know what you have to do.
Success is the state of mind that allows you to come at peace with who you are and seek with hope what you are becoming, by bridging these two with a daily actionable plan (micro-management) based on the values at the top of your pyramid.
An odd bonus: get to know yourself through astrology. In my case, it works pretty well. It doesn’t mean you have to take it word by word, but some things I explored through apps like Co-Star or The Pattern deeply enlightened me.
9. Love will come
So don’t chase it. Rather, chase bettering yourself (for yourself) and you’ll be surprised how things align. See love through two aspects: chemistry and compatibility.
Chemistry is what the eye can see, it’s the spark, the thrill that one can provoke. Oftentimes we think that’s enough and we fall for the loudest in the room, which in many cases is just that — the loudest in the room. Or the shiniest, the brightest. We are being sold the idea of love from music, movies, and media, but we have to go beyond that.
However, a truly sustainable connection comes from compatibility. That’s when you share common values and beliefs. It’s the element that allows an interaction to reach depth. And if you think depth is sadly a taboo nowadays in our generation, we might be thinking the same thing. But let’s not forget that shallowness and insecurities are loud. The depth and real connections are quiet, they don’t need external validation, they only need to be cherished within an intimate and trustful setting. You might have to open your heart to see those people inheriting these special traits.
Having had gone through step 8, if you get to know yourself better, you’ll increase your chances of connecting deeper. Knowing your deepest values by heart will allow you to easily identify them in others. Being unaware of who you are and what you believe in will most likely lead to poor decisions.
So take that time alone.
This is how I encounter 28 - with an African twist, full of passion, and always knowing that there will be time (for pretty much everything).
10. Drop perfectionism, overthinking and rumination
I’ve struggled with these things my whole life and I still do. That doesn’t just become heavy in time, but also hinders the decision-making process. Freshly baked straight at my coaching sessions with SIND (relevant if you live in Copenhagen), the topic of metacognitive therapy might just be the answer to all these issues that some of us, myself included, romanticize about and don’t take action upon. If we let it live in our heads for long enough - it can turn into mental ilnesses.
While I’m tempted to jump into a psychological analysis, this article is not what this is about. However, I’ve drawn some therapeutic knowledge to improve this topic from last year, and I am actually working on the process as I am writing these lines.
The bottom line is that we are at all times making a decision to engage with our negative thoughts or feelings, because we genuinely believe that thinking about it will help. Hear me out: it won’t! Instead, acknowledge the feeling and let it be. It will then pass just like the clouds on a summer day.
Although this list might be quite scattered, I am glad to have found it quite easy. This exercise fuels me with confidence by showing me that I have something to believe in, and what I believe in reflects on my daily agenda. This way, I can assure that there is an actionable outcome, which is, in the end, what we need for progression to occur.
It’s a list that will continuously change because I will be faced with new situations that will contribute to enlarging my vision. I will allow it to be stretchy, but won’t lose the fundamentals. It will only probably get richer and richer — and that’s rather exciting than scary.
What are 3 things from the list you’re taking away with you? Would love to hear this in the comment section below.
